It has been way to long my old friend, I should actually be studying for a college exam right now. However, I feel if I don't stay true to who I am what is the point? I haven't been on here in... well a long time. I still have yet to pick up Lola recently my life has been so crazy. My boyfriend joined the army in May, and I have only seen him once in 3 months, it's difficult to say the least but I have every intention of being with him for the very rest of my life. I just got home from work and it's just been so crazy and stressful if I have time at school tomorrow I will try to update photos, I have several from my trip to New York and then Florida also has a couple. I can't believe I don't even take pictures anymore, it used to be a big part of who I was, and now I feel like I never have time.. for anything.



but, I love Kenneth Tiger Khamseng.
My asian love bird.

i guess i haven't updated this thing in awhile, wow. uhm i also have like 300 deviations to check still it was 500 but whatever, so ive just been way busy its so funny i went from having no life other than sitting in front of this computer screen (well not exactly this one) to working all the time, and when im not working hanging out with the boy of my dreams, its so strange how quickly things can change. feels like im constantly on the move now days, finally had a couple minutes of down time, long enough to enjoy my arts again, i haven't broken out lola in a long time, i miss her, i think ill do that sometime this weekend if i get the chance, i have to work saturday and sunday but we'll see..

anyway, i am rather exhausted, and so one more thing i think i've decided that if it comes down to being a photographer as my career i would want to be one of the ones thats i guess a documentary photographer, seems interesting and i love history so i feel it would be a good way to tie them together.

i am leaving now, that boy of my dreams has just arrived to take me out to dinner.

i've been going through the past week or two in a hazy fog, trying to figure out myself, and my head. i've grown to see that i think about things to much, i can never let stuff just be. i have to think stuff through and i use my head way to much. i used to follow my heart, but it got me hurt, so i think im a little more careful now especially with big decisions. i've come to see that the people in my life are there for a reason, they love me for who i am. they don't try to change me, if they do, i don't need them. I'm just trying to find out whats still holding me back, i feel like i can't be myself completely. the real me is clingy, stubborn, hyperactive, talkative, nervous, and trusts no one, almost all of those things tend to negatively affect me. I miss the friends i used to have, those people who made me feel invincible. i have some of those friends now, but not all, and i've gotten a lot more friends who have sort of broken me in one way or another. i realize i miss summer really. winter seasons always tend to have a negative affect on me. but i feel like this summer will be different the past two summers were each spent with one wonderful person, 06 was spent almost everyday with my best friend at that time, and summer 07 with my best friend/boyfriend at that time. i screwed up both of those friendships, big time, and im trying to repair them but im just as bad as she is sometimes, i do the same things i get mad at her for doing, and him.. ugh well im just glad he still has the decency to speak to me after what i did, hes a better person than i. i think the thing that kills me the most is i cant decide what to do still. UGH. i dont know. i guess im not ready. :/


sorry, i know this was random, this was kinda just as i thought of something i typed it out, more of a rant.

nothing in the world matters,
im so happy.

its funny how you think that your life is a horrible wreck until you decide to open your eyes and see how good you really have it. sure i may not have the best home life, and i have serious trust issues, and i don't get along with a lot of people.

however,
i have the most amazing people in my life.
aka, friends.
they make up for everything.

i've really felt like i've been on cloud nine here lately.

i'm still waiting on the crash, but until then im going to ride the wave of happiness and just go with it. i know when i crash, i really crash but i hope this lasts atleast a lilttle while longer.

of looking at that other journal.
about how much i love that boy.

so this is only on here until i can think of something else to post,

but oh, i need an opinion so im thinking of doing photography as a part time job sort of thing, doing portraits, band promos, ect, i know some people said i should try black and white photography, but my work was good other wise.

do you guys think im good enough to do something like that?